American Horror Story in Two Minutes

American Horror Story premiered last night. The show was created by Ryan Murphy, who created Nip/Tuck and Glee. It’s about as far away from Glee as you can get. This show is on the David Lynch scale of weird and even that might be putting it lightly. It’s way too weird for me not to watch again next week. I thought I would recap it for you, mostly because I have nothing better to do.

Dylan McDermott is a husband, father, Psychiatrist, and an owner of a luscious set of abs. Dylan takes care of all the nude shots in this one, ladies.

Connie Britton is his paranoid wife that always thinks her home has intruders when she hears any noise. She also had a miscarriage almost a year ago and is still traumatized by it.

Dylan McDermott’s character cheated on his wife, she caught him in the act, and now she’s even more screwed up than she was when she just had the miscarriage to dwell on.

So, they did what any normal family would do – moved to a creepy new house in the middle of nowhere to try to restart their life.

Oh, they also have a daughter that likes to cut herself and an ankle-biting dog that I don’t think will live long.

The previous owners of the house are all dead or crazy. The dude from True Blood (who lost all sorts of weight) used to live in the house and warned Dylan McDermott that it was evil while drooling uncontrollably because half of his face is burned off.

A maid shows up out of nowhere and tells the wife that she has been the maid in the house for all the previous owners. It’s the mom from Six Feet Under! She has a creepy eye and isn’t much for pleasantries, but convinced the wife that she needs a maid too. BAM! She’s hired!

However, Dylan McDermott doesn’t see the mom from Six Feet Under like everyone else does. He sees this little hottie who keeps hitting on him and now he’s all tempted to cheat on his wife again.

Dylan McDermott treats patients in his home to spend more time with his family. He treats this whack job that also looks like a demon in strobing lights. His daughter starts to date the whack job, but then rejects him because he’s super creepy, and now he’s super pissed.

Jessica Lange is the next door neighbor. She knows something about the maid that the audience doesn’t know yet. She also knows all about the house and how evil it is. She likes to let herself in the house unannounced and, in general, be a total bitch.

Jessica Lange has a daughter with Down’s Syndrome (?) that is super creepy, likes to tell people they are going to die, and sees all the dead people that were killed in the house previously. She gets blamed for doing things the dead people do, but she deserves it because she is a bitch just like her mother.

While the family was moving in, they find a leather suit hanging in the attic from one of the previous owners.


The wife wants Dylan to throw it away, so he does. Then one night, someone in the leather suit shows up in the bedroom, the wife thinks it’s her husband, so she has sex with him.

Now she’s pregnant and doing yoga.

The end.

Did anyone watch it besides this girl? 🙂


Filed under American Horror Story

40 responses to “American Horror Story in Two Minutes

  1. So was it good or not? Sounds very odd but I can appreciate that. Should I add it to my DVR queue?

  2. I didn’t watch it because I am a super wimp when it comes to anything scary. However, your recap intrigues me. I might have to check it out.

    Also, the New Girl pilot was the only good episode. No longer in love. 😦 There aren’t any shows that I’m super into this season and it’s bumming me out. Gilmore Girls on my DVR it is.

  3. Pam

    OMG. I hope they replay that. I think I’ll have to start watching. That sounds fascinating! If they don’t replay it, thanks for the recap so I won’t be totally lost!

  4. Wow…all that happened in the opening ep?? Holy snicky! I might have to check it out…weirdness…can I find it online today??? Hmmm…must try to find…

  5. OK – so you convinced me that I should watch it. I love Dylan McDermott’s abs, the mom from 6 Feet Under, and Connie Britton has pretty hair. I think Dan might have DVR’d it – so we can watch it tonight, even though I totally know what’s going to happen.

  6. Oh, I saw a weird ep of a show (one of those kind where all the eps are diff stories – forgot what it’s called) and it was where women saw these men as really gorgeous…and would get lured home with them…turns out they are grotesque and evil…and keep their hot wives as their slaves….a father and a son…just keep doing it over and over again. Older wife tries to warn new wife….but in the end…those weirdos put new girl under their spell again…and the horror continues!

  7. Michelle M

    I can’t wait to watch this one. It’s waiting in my DVR right now. Creepy awesome is what I expect from this one.

  8. Mz. Teri

    You had me at Dylan McDermott and luscious set of abs. *drools*

    Now I’m going to have to set my DVR to record yet ANOTHER show. Dammit!!!!

  9. I don’t want to watch it – I only want to read your awesome recaps! So entertaining!

  10. I do think I’m going to have to watch next week’s too because I totally don’t get how they’re going to make a series out of this show. It’s so weird and freaky and I totally didn’t sleep very well because I was worried about their being weird people lurking around my house. Needless to say, Dylan does have some outstanding abs and I have a billion Wednesday night shows to watch. I’m behind on Revenge – my cable went out during it last week so I still haven’t seen all of last week’s episode (and therefore I haven’t seen this week’s either) – is it still worth watching?

  11. Whatttttt….? I am baffled and laughing and all sorts of confused. Must watch.

  12. YES! I am so glad you watched (and recapped so nicely!)….I just asked on my blog if anyone else tuned in. It was so messed up and I keep thinking about it….so in my book, that makes for great TV!

  13. Um, what? Sounds creepy and I’m a wimp, but the fiance wants to watch it, so we’ll see!

  14. Kate

    This was really just one episode?? Craziness.

  15. Dude, this is seriously my favorite way to watch tv. I’ve never seen an episode of 90210 but I have a friend that walks me through every episode each week. If you could do this every week, I would be ecstatic.

  16. Those suits and masks freak me the eff out, ever since I saw the movie Jagged Edge with Jeff Bridges and Glen Close.

    You definitely have me intrigued about the show and will have to see if the first episode is on-Demand. Awesome that Connie Britton is on the show. I always thought she was hot on Spin City.

  17. okay, no I did not see this show (I didn’t realize it was on already) but now I will HAVE to see at least a few episodes.

  18. Best TV show recap ever. I totally want to watch this now. I love the mom from SFU – she’s such an amazing actress. And I’l be honest – I was most enticed by the whole leather suit thing. Weird, creepy, and sexy all in one.

  19. Sweet hot tamales that sounds weird! lol We don’t have cable (gasp!) so I can’t watch, but if you recap each week, I won’t have to. 😉

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  21. Marie

    Talked to Sarah M. last week about this post. Prior to your recap I had no interest in American Horror Story but now I’m adding it to the DVR so I can check out Dylan McDermott… er… um… I mean the show.

  22. This was a good recap but I am so confused! Now I have to watch it. Dammit. What day does this come on?

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  31. Ok… This just reminded me. What happened to the dog?! I know that Hayden kind of blew it up in the microwave, but then it came back (as a ghost or the real dog?). But, I haven’t heard anything since then. I think they just forgot about it with all the other crazy crap going on.

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