I Want to Meat You

I mentioned last week that I’ve been making an attempt to eat healthier, stop all the crazy snacking, and limit my beloved alcohol. Well, my hubs is on a healthy eating kick too, which generally means that he tries to cut back on carbs. Enter our friend Steve. Remember him from the MegaCon post? Well, he’s lost a bunch of weight on a Ketogenic diet, which is a low-carb diet with similarities to Paleo. So, the other day he made a “Meatza” from this recipe and brought it in to work for us to try.

It was good. Real good. And it took hubs exactly a day and a half until he asked me to make it for him.

Now, I’m not sure if you all remember, but I don’t cook. My skills are limited to things like pink slop and 3-ingredient oreo truffles. So of course I told him that if he went to the store and bought all the ingredients, I would make it  knowing full well that he’d never go to the store without me.

I was wrong. So here is my adapted Meatza recipe, because I’m a good wife that keeps her promises.


  • 2 lbs of ground beef (I used 1lb lean ground beef and 1lb lean ground turkey) 
  • 2 eggs
  • Pizza/spaghetti sauce of your choice
  • Mozzarella cheese (I used half fat free/half 2% since fat free melts a little funky)
  • Goat cheese (I used 1/2 container of Chavrie Basil and Roasted Garlic goat cheese. You don’t need this, but trust me. You want it.)
  • Pizza toppings of your choice (I used green peppers, onions, mushrooms, and turkey pepperoni.)


  • 1/2 cup grated Parmesan cheese
  • 3 tsp salt  (This was WAY too much. Next time, I’m using 1 tsp)
  • 1 tsp caraway seeds
  • 1 tsp oregano
  • 1 tsp garlic salt
  • 1 tsp coarse ground pepper
  • 1 tsp red pepper flakes (optional) I used this.

1. Mix the uncooked meat and the 2 eggs together with your hands. I like to call this picture, “things you’ll only do for your husband…for a price.”

I did not enjoy that. And I needed mittens afterwards. The meat and eggs were cold!

2. Mix in all the spices with your meat. Also, don’t wear sleeves. Bad idea.

3. Press the meat evenly into a rectangular pan and cook for 10 minutes on 450°.

4. Saute your veggies while you wait. You might want to chop them up first. Guess I didn’t mention that part. Or just put them on whole, what do I care?

5.  Blot the fat and other nasties off the meat until it’s dry. (I used paper towels and because I was using lean meat, I didn’t have much to blot.)

6. Add ‘dem toppin’s like your Papa John.

7. Put that thing back in the oven for a couple minutes until the cheese is melted all delicious-like.

8. Take it out of the oven and immediately serve it to the first man you see. He will love you forever.

The “Meatza” turned out better than I thought it would but it is super salty. I’ll use less salt next time for sure. Also, you only need to eat a small piece to feel pretty dang satisfied and I am a bottomless pit when it comes to food.

So there you have it. I cooked something that had more than 4 ingredients. I’m kinda impressed with myself even though I’m pretty sure a monkey could have made this. But like, one of those really smart, talking Planet of the Apes monkeys.


Filed under So You Think I Can Cook

16 responses to “I Want to Meat You

  1. I like this idea. Last night I made something similar with a polenta crust and I have another recipe I want to try with a crust made of shredded zucchini, eggs, and parmesan. I refuse to mix meat with my hands, it’s not enjoyable and I am afraid of getting something that will send me to the hospital. Latex glove maybe?

  2. Verlin

    Try disposable gloves on your hands the next time you make it – and leave the meat on the counter for 30 mins or so first so it’s not quite so cold. My boys love meatballs and raw ground beef gives me the heebie-jeebies, so I always use latex gloves. Looks like something weird is going on in the kitchen, but at least I’m not squishing raw meet in my hands.

  3. Just read this recipe to my hubs and he wants to try it. Only thing that I will do differently is recruit him to mix the meat and ingredients together. I don’t like to stick my hands in cold meat & I always tell him “that’s why I got married”! haha

    • Paula

      It’s really good! Tastes like a pizza burger and I didn’t even miss the crust. 🙂 I got married so I don’t have to kill roaches, so I hear you!

  4. Paula!! Im so proud of you that is pretty impressive!

  5. I fail to see the disaster portion of this post??? You totally rocked it out! I don’t know if I would want to eat something that was that meat-based, but what the heck? I’d try it. I do eat weird things like cauliflower pizza, so by comparison meatza seems normal.

    Meat mashing is a cold business. It kills my Raynauds like no other. And sleeves always need pushing up during cooking. Write that down. 😉

    • Paula

      Hee! I posted that it was going to be a disaster before I made it. Disaster averted! And yeah, I’m not a fan super meat based recipes either. I wouldn’t have made it if it wasn’t for the man. Now cauliflower pizza I can get into.

      • Make it–surprisingly delicious. I just made your cottage cheese/pumpkin concoction. It’s chilling in the fridge, but I’m planning to eat it with graham crackers. Mmmm 😀

  6. That looks totally awesome and easy to make. AND TASTY, which is important. What a great idea…thanks for sharing!! 🙂

  7. Great job!!! I’m super impressed. This looks so tasty!

  8. That’s looks awesome! Being that…we’re uh juicing right now…I’d totally eat that in a minute. Maybe more than I should. Then sit back coma-tose. Wait, wait…no I wouldn’t because it’s only day 3. Steve was telling Pete about the diet he’s on, too. I think we’re going to try to buy more grass-fed meat…ya know one day when we’re off this juice-fast. 😉 *Daydreaming about that day.*

  9. Second the idea about disposable gloves. The husband uses them when he gets burgers ready for the barbecue, etc.

  10. I need someone to make this for me. All raw meat is nasty but ground beef is the nastiest raw meat of all. I try to never ever touch it! But go you, being all domesticated!!! Impressive!

  11. Well damn, that looks pretty good.
    I have been eating TERRIBLY lately. Absolutely terribly. Not so much the foods, but my portions have been ginormous. It has to stop. But it’s my birthday week, so…next week 🙂

  12. kathleen@runderbykat

    That pizza thing looks amazing. Like, so good I kind of want to make it, except it looks like there are a lot of steps. Hm. Meat pizza or just order one from the couch… decisions..

  13. Pingback: How Do You Like That, Cupcake? | | Eat: Watch: RunEat: Watch: Run

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