The Doctor Visit

Every now and then I have a good story to tell. There was the one about the bird, the one where I felt like an idiot, and the one about the guy that asked a lot of questions. Now, I’m not saying this is one of those times. I mean, I have a story but I’m not going to make any promises of how good it is, but I’m going to tell it none the less. This happened back in February and I forgot about it until the other day, so now you’re not only getting a story with questionable entertainment value, but it’s also old.

Ok. Now that I have your expectations lowered…

At the end beginning of the year, I was sick a lot. I had a pretty bad cold, then got the flu, and then an upper respiratory infection. It was a seemingly unending string of sickness. I happen to be one of those people that never go to the doctor. My mom was an RN, so she is my doctor. If she tells me I’m not dying, I’m pretty good with that. That means, I don’t have a primary doctor so I have nowhere to go when I’m actually dying. Because I have no doctor, I wait until I can’t take the misery of sickness any longer and I’m positive I won’t get better from sleep and drugs, and then I go to the closest walk-in clinic.

Well, I was close to what I felt was dying and decided it was time to go. Turns out there’s a walk-in clinic about two minutes from my house in a slightly run down and questionable strip mall. I mean, there were four dudes hanging out and eating a pizza on the trunk of their car in the parking lot. Not really an up scale type of place. I’m pretty sure telling you this has nothing to do with the story. Or maybe it does. Either way, mentioning pizza let’s me segue into showing this.

That’s a beautiful gif.

When I arrived, I was the only one there so I was relieved I wouldn’t be waiting forever. The girl behind the desk gave me a bunch of paperwork to fill out since I had never been there before. When I was done, I handed it back and she started putting my information into the computer.

She asked me several questions after I gave her the papers, so I thought I had missed some questions on the forms. Specifically, she asked me where I worked, and I told her. Then she asked me what type of company it was, and I told her. Then she asked what I did, and I told her that too. I thought those were pretty specific questions, but then again, maybe she needed to know that I could pay for treatment? I had no idea. I did notice she stopped typing in my information.

There was a slight pause in conversation.

Then she said, “Oh, Ok.  I was just wondering because I’m looking for a new job.” Then she said:

That was awkward.

I didn’t know what to say and I didn’t ask her why she hated her job for fear the answer would be, “that guy’s not really a doctor.” So, I just took a seat.


Filed under Story Time

12 responses to “The Doctor Visit

  1. Stefanie

    Hahahahahaa. This feels like it could have quickly turned into an episode of “Hospital Nightmares”.

  2. Ali

    Okay you made no promises about this story but I lol’d.

    And I have the exact same situation with no primary care doc so I always end up at a CentraCare or some such shady place. They suck and the front desk chicks have been hella rude, but I can’t say anybody has ever flat out told me they hated their jobs. Hasn’t stopped me from getting a clear impression that they DO though.

    Random but wtf do you find all these amazing .gifs? I love them so much!

    • Paula

      I think CentraCare is the upscale version of where I went, if that’s even possible. Those gifs are the product of lots of Google searching. Although, sometimes I search for specific ones. Like, I knew that Modern Family one had to exist somewhere after I saw the episode. 🙂

  3. I’m pretty sure that’s actually a GIF of vampire Nicholas Cage.

  4. Mammabird

    You always have to worry if the Doctors name is “Boris”

  5. Amber K

    Okay that is totally random. And hilarious. And I want to know the type of person who could throw that out there like that!

  6. Lol that is super awkward! I mean what if you told the Doctor what she said its not like you know each other well enough that she doesn’t know you wouldn’t say anything!

  7. Misty

    OMG, I have the best walk in clinic story ever. Actually, it’s my ex-roommate’s brother’s story…and it’s like a year old but I’m going to tell it anyway. So he gets a rash and a cold and because the clinic on base (he’s military) is crappy, he just Googled the area around the base for one that he could pay cash at. He shows up at a cinder block building in the hood with bars on the window. No signage save for a taped piece of paper on the window that says “Clinic. No insurance is accepted. Cash only.” But don’t worry, this did not deter him from entering this establishment. He goes and pays the $40 to see the doctor. They don’t have any paperwork to fill out. Like, didn’t even ask his name… So he goes to the “exam” room. He finally catches on that this might not be a good idea when he notices he’s waiting on a doctor in a cubicle. A full on office cubicle that he can stand up and see over. Well the doctor comes in, looks at the rash, and declares…”I don’t know….maybe scabies… I’ll give you a steroid shot and some Vicadin.” My friends brother knows he doesn’t have scabies and that he definitely doesn’t need pain pills, but still lets the guy inject him with what we hope was a steroid of some kind.

    So he leaves and comes over to tell us this story. We immediately force him to go see a legit doctor to make sure he hasn’t been injected with a dirty needle and won’t die for reasons that seem obvious to us. It ended up that he definitely did not have scabies and it was a URI that can cause a rash. So the good doctor gives him an antibiotic (and a tetanus shot for good measure) and sends him on his way.

    The next week my ex-roommate was telling the story to a co-worker and she busts out laughing. Her sister, while between jobs and sans health insurance, strained her back and went to the same sketch clinic. Her sister called her and told her about the exam and listed the prescription he gave her. Oxycontin. A lot of them with refills! She was told to not get this filled by the informed coworker unless her future life goals included becoming a patient at a methadone clinic.

    So hopefully this story at least encourages you appreciate the strip mall doctor. It could have been worse.

    • Paula

      That is amazing. I love that the doctor was like, “ehhhh, let’s go with scabies.” Also, I’m pretty sure that was not a doctor, so yes, that did make me feel better. Mine had a sweet black and white copy of his diploma crookedly framed on the wall. So he was super legit. 🙂

  8. Can… can I share this here? Three years ago I had to have a tumor removed from my neck. Scarier than it sounds, it was benign. Anyway, I was of course knocked out for the surgery, and when I awoke in the recovery room, dazed and only barely lucid at best, the little Filipina nurse immediately started hitting me up for free Lionel Richie tickets because she found out I worked for Hard Rock. I was so entirely out of it. I’m *pretty* sure this is against hospital procedure, but I hooked her up anyhow, because if I had said no at the time she might have had been holding a catheter. True story.

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