Dogs Hate Me

The good news is, my hip is back to normal! It’s so nice to run again (slowly) and get into and out of a car without pain. The bad news is, that leaves me with five weeks to train for my half instead of eight. Not ideal when I was hoping for a PR. I have a backup race in mind a few weeks after Best Damn Race just in case. Although, I’ll probably register for the backup even if I do PR because I feel like this race season has been devoid of races and I need some more in my life.

Speaking of running, you may know that we have an interesting relationship. Besides the random injuries and faceplants into the sidewalk, I’ve also run by someone holding another person an gunpoint and been bitten by a dog. Basically, all signs point to me quitting running for life. Now I’m so paranoid when I run that I carry pepper spray in my hand because surely it will come in handy some day when someone wants to jam me into their trunk.

That brings me to Saturday. I was not jammed into a trunk, don’t get too excited. I went for an eight mile run in the afternoon (don’t ever go away 68 degree, breezy afternoons). I brought my pepper spray with me but since I was already carrying a water bottle, I kept it in my SPIbelt. On my way back to the house, I  noticed a dog ahead of me on the sidewalk off its leash. It was a smaller dog but because of my dog history, I crossed to the other side so I wouldn’t be near him (her?). For those visual learners…


I was completely alone on the street and didn’t see his owner anywhere. At one point, I lost sight of him so I figured he had gone home. But no. No, no. Once I turned left (still avoiding the dog side of the street), the dog started barking and running after me, literally at my heels. Another dog (also off its leash) came out of nowhere and joined him. So now I have two little pissed off dogs running after me. I tried to ignore them and kept running but after about 1/10th of a mile when they didn’t back off, I stopped, faced them, and shouted “No!” to see if that would have any effect.


I started running again and so did they. At this point, I’m thinking, “I can’t believe I’m going to get bitten by a dog…AGAIN.” I was freaking out a little so I did the only thing that came to mind: I stopped, turned around, and threw the rest of my water in their faces. The water actually stopped the joined-out-of-nowhere dog. He ran off into the street and was almost hit by a car that slammed on the breaks in time. But the other one, he wasn’t so happy.


Hey! It was spring water. Not like I threw tap water in his face. Anyway, I start running again but after about a five second delay, he started barking and running at my heels again. At this point, I’m contemplating my next move. I thought, “holy shit, I’m going to have to kick this dog.” Before you animal lovers get all crazy, this dog was a threat and I will straight-up kick a dog before I let one bite me again. I literally do everything I can to avoid dogs when I’m out in public. Unless it’s a friend’s dog that I know, I keep maximum safe distance. Since being bitten, they scare the shit out of me. So I decided this was going to happen. I’m going to kick a dog and I’m going to feel like shit afterwards but I won’t walk home bleeding with rabies. I stopped, turned around again, shouted something to the effect of “What the fuck dog??”, waited for him to get closer to make my move, and then…he just stopped. It was almost like he knew because he backed off. I’m not sure where he went because I was outta there, but it was probably to do something dangerous and cool to impress his dog friends.

dolphin dog

This isn’t the only time I’ve been chased by a dog but it’s the only time when I really thought I was in danger. I’ve had dogs off leashes chase me with their owners standing there doing nothing. I just hate asshole dog owners with no respect. When I got home, I realized I had pepper spray with me, which I probably would have used if it was in my hand. And of course now, I will never keep it in my SPIbelt again. When I told hubs that I was almost bitten by a dog he said, “again?”

So yeah. Dogs hate me.


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14 responses to “Dogs Hate Me

  1. The dogs just wanted you to stop and pet them ; )

  2. Melissa

    Roo loves Aunt Paula!

    Was it a little rat dog? I don’t like those, either. Ankle biters! I’m glad it backed off. Jerk dog.

    • Paula

      Yes she does! Although, I feel like Roo may be an indiscriminate lover.

      The dog kinda looked like M&Ms dog. Maybe a little bigger.

  3. Steph

    I’m so not a dog person and do basically everything to avoid interacting with them. I get chased a few times a year on my bike (it’s always going up a hill…always) and usually they stop when I scream NO! but every once in a while one takes that as some personal challenge and works harder to grab a ankle. I also try and make a mental note of what house/yard the dog came charging out of so I can report them to animal control…

    • Paula

      That’s funny, I just put the number for animal control in my phone today. I’m going to be so prepared next time with my pepper spray and phone numbers!

  4. Way to stand your ground with that annoying little pup. Also, I love that you bring pepper spray for dogs, I bring it for homeless people. Same thing basically.

  5. Granted, I’ve never had a bad experience with a dog (or any animal) but I love dogs so much I recently pulled over for what I thought was a stray and quickly drove away when I realized it was a coyote. Oops! Glad you didn’t get bit, can’t believe how nasty your previous bite was!!! I’m definitely getting some pepper spray to carry with me just in case. Your map and the duck gif made me snort, so thank you for that. LOL.

  6. Megan

    There’s a chihuahua in our neighborhood that is always out and unrestrained in his owners’ front yard, whether they’re home or not (they have a fenced-in backyard but they apparently don’t know how to use it). When we confronted the owner one day about the fact that it antagonizes our dogs every time we walk by and nips at our heels when we run down the street, he responded “How am I supposed to control what he does? He’s a dog! Are you a dog whisperer?” People are so special.

  7. Amy

    I have two dogs, and often run with them off leash. Even though they are good with people, I never assume the people are ok with them so leashes are immediately put on if I see another person. All that being said, I would absolutely kick a dog or anything else I felt I needed to do if I thought I was going to be hurt. I have even stopped dead and told owners that felt no need to leash their chaser that if they got close, I would hurt him/her.

  8. kathleen

    I am dying laughing at this post. I am not a dog person either…just a boring, ol cat lady. I’m glad you didn’t have to kick the dog, but I definitely would not have judged if you had. Your drawing is perfection, btw.

  9. If laughing at you being brutalized by a tiny dog is wrong, I’ll never be right.

    But seriously, I kicked a Boston Terrier in the face once. I’d do it again too. I’m not ashamed. It’s their face or my ankles.

    I probably shouldn’t brag about how many dogs I’ve kicked while running, but in my defense, I’m not running up to sleeping dogs and round housing their face. It’s all self defense.

  10. Allyssa

    I laughed so hard at this! I’m the exact same way with dogs. I came within an inch of kicking a little dog that looked just like the one in your illustration one time when I was running with the jogging stroller. He must have gotten the true vibe as I swung my leg in his direction because he backed off at that point. I don’t regret it at all.

  11. Verlin

    I missed this when it was in “realtime” because I am behind on life these days. Your drawing made me LOL; thanks for that. Not much of a dog lover myself. I carry pepper spray as well, but haven’t used it, other than the time I accidentally pepper sprayed my parents, but that is an odd story that doesn’t make me look overly intelligent, so I’m going to keep it to myself. I have had multiple dogs run under my feet, leaving the choices of either stepping on them or using my minimal levels of coordination to avoid stepping on them (think arms flying awkwardly + jerky leg movements). It makes me stabby, but I live in a small town, so I “smile” and continue on. One of the worst instances involved our mayor and his dog. He also owns the local Chinese food restaurant, so it just gets more weird.

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