I Want to Meat You

I mentioned last week that I’ve been making an attempt to eat healthier, stop all the crazy snacking, and limit my beloved alcohol. Well, my hubs is on a healthy eating kick too, which generally means that he tries to cut back on carbs. Enter our friend Steve. Remember him from the MegaCon post? Well, he’s lost a bunch of weight on a Ketogenic diet, which is a low-carb diet with similarities to Paleo. So, the other day he made a “Meatza” from this recipe and brought it in to work for us to try.

It was good. Real good. And it took hubs exactly a day and a half until he asked me to make it for him.

Now, I’m not sure if you all remember, but I don’t cook. My skills are limited to things like pink slop and 3-ingredient oreo truffles. So of course I told him that if he went to the store and bought all the ingredients, I would make it  knowing full well that he’d never go to the store without me.

I was wrong. So here is my adapted Meatza recipe, because I’m a good wife that keeps her promises.

Ingredients:

• 2 lbs of ground beef (I used 1lb lean ground beef and 1lb lean ground turkey) 
• 2 eggs
• Pizza/spaghetti sauce of your choice
• Mozzarella cheese (I used half fat free/half 2% since fat free melts a little funky)
• Goat cheese (I used 1/2 container of Chavrie Basil and Roasted Garlic goat cheese. You don’t need this, but trust me. You want it.)
• Pizza toppings of your choice (I used green peppers, onions, mushrooms, and turkey pepperoni.)

Spices:

• 1/2 cup grated Parmesan cheese
• 3 tsp salt  (This was WAY too much. Next time, I’m using 1 tsp)
• 1 tsp caraway seeds
• 1 tsp oregano
• 1 tsp garlic salt
• 1 tsp coarse ground pepper
• 1 tsp red pepper flakes (optional) I used this.

1. Mix the uncooked meat and the 2 eggs together with your hands. I like to call this picture, “things you’ll only do for your husband…for a price.”

I did not enjoy that. And I needed mittens afterwards. The meat and eggs were cold!

2. Mix in all the spices with your meat. Also, don’t wear sleeves. Bad idea.

3. Press the meat evenly into a rectangular pan and cook for 10 minutes on 450°.

4. Saute your veggies while you wait. You might want to chop them up first. Guess I didn’t mention that part. Or just put them on whole, what do I care?

5.  Blot the fat and other nasties off the meat until it’s dry. (I used paper towels and because I was using lean meat, I didn’t have much to blot.)

6. Add ‘dem toppin’s like your Papa John.

7. Put that thing back in the oven for a couple minutes until the cheese is melted all delicious-like.

8. Take it out of the oven and immediately serve it to the first man you see. He will love you forever.

The “Meatza” turned out better than I thought it would but it is super salty. I’ll use less salt next time for sure. Also, you only need to eat a small piece to feel pretty dang satisfied and I am a bottomless pit when it comes to food.

So there you have it. I cooked something that had more than 4 ingredients. I’m kinda impressed with myself even though I’m pretty sure a monkey could have made this. But like, one of those really smart, talking Planet of the Apes monkeys.