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American Horror Story in Two Minutes (Episode: Afterbirth)

Time to recap Season 1, Episode 12 (season finale).

This time we start out 9 months ago when Vivien is about to leave Ben. Ben begs her to start over with him and he wants her to check out a great house he found on the market where he thinks they’ll have a good chance of starting over and being happy.

While Ben is trying to convince Vivien to stay with him, we get flashes of the horrible things that have happened since they moved in, serving as a gruesome reminder that Ben is terrible at picking houses.

Back to present time.

Ben is alone in the house, calling out for his dead wife, but he can’t find her.

Later, Constance watches the anti-Christ baby for Ben while he’s at Vivien’s funeral. When Ben picks up the baby afterwards, he notices the picture of Tate and Addie in the kitchen. Ben finally realizes Tate is dead. It’s obvious Constance wants to keep the baby but Ben insists on taking him. As he’s leaving, Constance tells Ben not to go back into the house because of all the spirits that mean the baby harm. Constance tells Ben he’s an ignorant fool if he thinks he can live in that house after all he’s seen. Then, Ben has a few choice words for Constance.

Ben and the anti-Christ baby return to the murder house. As Ben is feeding the baby in the kitchen, Vivien and the maid are standing next to him but Ben can’t see them. Vivien tells the maid that she and Violet agreed not to show themselves to Ben because he would stay in the house and she wants him and the baby to get as far away from the house as possible.

Later, Ben attempts to kill himself to join Vivien and Violet.

Vivien and Violet finally appear to him and convince him that he shouldn’t kill himself and needs to leave the house and raise the baby somewhere safe.

Ben goes upstairs to pack his bags and as he’s leaving, Hayden and the home invasion ghosts intercept. They grab him, rope him to the chandelier, and hang him before he has a chance to leave.

Now everybody’s dead! Except Constance, of course. Ben doesn’t seem to mind being dead because he’s back together with Vivien and Violet and the anti-Christ baby wasn’t his anyway. Vivien also seemed to forget about devil baby real fast and no one seemed to mind when Constance showed up and took the baby to raise for herself.

After Ben died, the house went up for sale and was bought by another couple with a son.  During the first night, the ghosts were haunting the new owners, like whoa. Ben and Vivien realized that they couldn’t let what happened to them happen to the new people, so they got in on the haunting. Nothing like Vivien disemboweling Ben and Ben shooting Vivien point blank and then not dying from those wounds to tell the new couple they needed to get out.

While Vivien and Ben are making the new couple crap their pants in the basement, Tate tries to kill their son so Violet wouldn’t be alone now that they’ve broken up. But Violet stopped Tate by distracting him with a steamy goodbye kiss. Then Violet told Tate goodbye and he cried some more. And you all know how much I love a good Tate-cry.

The new couple rounded up their son and hightailed it out of the house wearing nothing but their PJs. Then Vivien and Ben agreed that they will keep anyone else from moving in.

Later, Vivien finds Nora in the basement. Turns out the stillborn baby lived for a short while after its birth so the baby’s ghost is alive and well. Only Nora can’t stand that the baby cries all the time and doesn’t think she’s cut out for motherhood. See Nora? It wasn’t fun when you cried all the time either.

Vivien takes the baby and gets to raise her (non-devil) child afterall. She even asks the maid to be godmother.

Later, Ben confronts Tate about his crimes and Tate confesses to them all. He was faking ignorance the whole time but now is truly sorry for what he’s done. MOAR crying! Ben isn’t as impressed with Tate’s crying as I am.

Toward the end, the family and the maid get ready for Christmas. They decorate a Christmas tree together that Ben chopped down himself. You’re a ghost Ben, where’d you chop down that tree? Que a holiday family scene where they all find happiness together only in death. We also discover that Violet does in fact have teeth.

Meanwhile, Tate and Hayden look on at the happy family scene and Tate vows to wait for Violet forever. He’ll probably be waiting a long time, because next season has a new family and new location. Sorry, Tate.

Flash forward 3 years

While Constance is getting her hair done, she yaps on and on to her hairdresser about how hard her life is and how it was all worth it because she has finally found meaning in it by raising her anti-Christ grandson.

After the hair appointment, she comes home to find blood streaking the walls. She follows the blood smears upstairs to her grandson’s bedroom where she finds the nanny brutally murdered in a pool of blood while the anti-Christ toddler looks on with a smile.

What did you all think of the finale? (I was unimpressed last night but the more I think about it today, the more I like it.)

What questions weren’t answered that you wish were? (I want to know why the maid aged when she died young. And where were the baby’s hooves from the sonogram?)


Ryan Murphy (the show’s creator) confirmed Season 2 will have new characters and a new location and that if any actors return, they will be playing different characters.

Past recaps: Pilot, Episode 2, Episode 3, Episode 4, Episode 5, Episode 6, Episode 7, Episode 8, Episode 9, Episode 10, Episode 11


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American Horror Story in Two Minutes (Episode: Birth)

It’s time to recap Season 1, Episode 11. Next week is the season finale, although this episode really seemed like a finale. Am I right or am I right?

This one starts off in 1984 when Tate was a little boy. While playing, he ends up in the basement looking for a toy when the abortionist’s freaky sewn-together baby thing tries to attack him.

The abortionist’s wife (Nora) intervenes and tells Tate if her son bothers him again to close his eyes and tell him to go away and he will. Then Nora gives Tate some ghost hugs and Tate tells Nora he wishes that she was his mom.

Back to present time.

Tate finds Nora in one of the bedrooms doing what she does in every episode – crying about her damn baby. We find out that Tate got Vivien pregnant for Nora (!!). Tate tells Nora that things have changed, that he’s in love with Violet now, and she can’t take Vivien’s baby. Nora assures him she’s still taking that baby.

Later, Tate and Violet find Chad and Patrick decorating the nursery.

Hayden wants a baby too. So does Constance. Everybody be wantin’ babies!

Violet is worried about her mom now that she knows Chad and Patrick are a threat to the twins. So Violet does something selfless for once and enlists the help of Constance and the psychic to get rid of them.

The psychic talks a bunch of smack about the house being evil and that each person that dies in it just fuels the house’s energy. (She also senses Violet is dead and talks to her telepathically briefly.) Tate listens at the door, but the psychic wants him gone before she says anything else. Once Tate leaves, she tells Violet that she needs to get an important personal belonging from each ghost, burn those items, and say a specific word to make them vanish.

Tate tries to help Violet out by stealing Patrick’s ring using the old I’ll-seduce-you-so-you-will-beat-me-up-and-I-can-get-close-enough-to-take-your-ring maneuver. The seduction didn’t work, but the ass-kicking did. Patrick got pissed at Tate for killing him and making him spend eternity with Chad. Chad overhears Patrick and now he doesn’t want those babies so much anymore. So finicky! Tate still got the ring.

Afterwards, Chad finds Violet burning his watch in the basement. When Violet sees him, she says the magic word given to her by the psychic and it doesn’t work. So Chad takes the opportunity to mock her and then tell her that Tate killed both him and Patrick and raped her mother. Ouch.

Ben wants Violet to accompany him to the hospital while they pick up Vivien. Violet pleads with Ben that she can’t go but he drags her to the car anyway.

As he drives off, she disappears from the back seat. And Ben is still oblivious.

At the hospital, while Vivien is being discharged, the doctor tells Ben that Vivien may need an emergency C-section because one of the babies is growing much faster and taking all the nutrients from the other baby. He’s ready to be born now. Vivien just wants to hop a plane to Florida to get away from the house and have the babies there.

Ben reluctantly agrees with Vivien, so they drive to the house to pick up Violet to get the eff outta Dodge. Vivien waits in the car while Ben confronts Violet on why she didn’t go to the hospital and she finally tells him that she’s dead and can’t leave the house. Then, Vivien goes into labor.

(I want you to know how hard it was not to put a caption on that picture.)

Constance shows up while she’s getting out of the car and brings her into the house against her wishes. Then, all the medically inclined ghosts show up to help her give birth. While Ben thinks this is weird, Constance assures him that the house is trying to help them and to let it happen.

After a lot of screaming on Vivien’s part and freaking out on Ben’s part, the first smaller baby is stillborn.

Nora swoops in and cradles that one like she’s won the baby jackpot.

Finally, the second (evil?) baby is born. Constance swoops in and takes her grandson. After the evil baby is born, Vivien starts hemorrhaging. Ben begs her to stay with him and tells her they can be happy again. Violet begs her to let go so they can be together in the afterlife. So she does. And Ben is left alone in the world of the living.

After Vivien dies, Violet finds Tate upstairs in her bedroom. She confronts him about all the horrible things he’s done. He tells her that he’s changed since they’ve met, while doing some grade A tug-at-your-heart-strings crying. Violet tells Tate she knows he’s changed, that she loves him, but they can never be together. Then she screams for him to go away and he disappears.

And in a touching scene, Vivien witnesses the exchange between Violet and Tate and tells her how brave she was to stand up to him. Violet apologizes to her mom because she lost her baby and Vivien tells her she hasn’t lost her baby. Then they hug it out ghost-style.

Past recaps: Pilot, Episode 2, Episode 3, Episode 4, Episode 5, Episode 6, Episode 7, Episode 8, Episode 9, Episode 10


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American Horror Story in Two Minutes (Episode: Smoldering Children)

It’s time to recap Season 1, Episode 10.

We start back in 1994 when Constance owned the murder house. Constance, Tate, Addie, and Larry (the burned faced guy before his face was burned) are having dinner. Larry is trying to make nice with Tate and Addie but Tate knows he killed his brother Beau, and Tate’s pissed that Constance even brought Larry in the house after his wife killed herself and their children when she discovered their affair.

Tate leaves the table in a rage and goes upstairs to his room. An indeterminable amount of time passes where Tate does some coke Requiem for a Dream-style, grabs some guns and gasoline, and makes his way to Larry’s work to kill him.

Tate douses Larry in gasoline, lights a match, sets him on fire, and walks away.

Back to present time.

Ben visits Vivien in the hospital and tells her that her twins have two different baby-daddies, how he now believes she was raped by a man in a rubber suit, and that he’s going to help her find out who did it.

Meanwhile, the police are all up in Constance’s biz because they think she killed Travis (her young boyfriend). They call her down to the police station for questioning where she’s pretty much screwed because her son turned into a mass-murderer and because of all the deaths (Addie, Beau) and disappearances (her husband, the maid) that suspiciously happen when she’s around.

Over at the murder house, Larry is disposing of Travis’ bloody clothes when Travis shows up. Larry finds out Travis has been spending time with two children. Larry looks behind him and can see he’s talking about his own children that burned in the fire. He can see them for the first time and they look like they are still smoldering from the fire.

Then, Larry’s wife appears. When Larry asks why he can finally see her, she tells Larry that he’s almost ready and that Constance isn’t to blame for what happened – he is. Larry promises to make it up to her.

Later on, Constance shows up at Larry’s place and accuses him of killing Travis. He assures her it was someone in the house and he only disposed of the body. Then he decides to turn himself into the police for the murder even though he didn’t commit the crime.

While Larry is in jail, Constance visits him. He tries to get her to admit that she did really love him but she is all, oh no I didn’t. And then she is all psych! I’m not putting my hand on the window after all!


Back at the house, Ben gets a visit from an officer who threatens to take Violet to juvenile court because she hasn’t been to school in over two weeks. Ben talks to Violet about how she’s been missing school and she promises to meet Ben to talk about it but Tate intervenes and wants to spend the day with her instead.

Ben decides boarding school might be best. He calls a school about registering Violet while Tate eavesdrops. Tate gets pissed Ben wants to take Violet away so he dresses up in the rubber suit and attacks Ben and his wet, muscular abs after he gets out of the shower. Pillow fight!

Tate doesn’t kill Ben because he’s a great guy like that. He just wants to make sure he and Violet can have some time alone without Ben interfering. So he chloroforms Ben, but not before Ben sees who’s under the mask.

After the post-shower tousle, Tate finds Violet and tries to convince her that they need to be together forever and if they commit suicide, she won’t have to go away to boarding school. Violet runs screaming that Tate is trying to kill her but Ben is out cold.

When Tate finds her, she runs outside to escape him only to end up back in the house. She tries over and over to leave, but she always ends up back inside. Violet is scared and doesn’t know what’s going on so Tate tries to calm her down.

Tate tells her that he wants to show her something and she can go wherever she wants to afterwards. So, Tate takes her into a crawlspace in the house and shows Violet her own rotting corpse. Violet is dead, ya’ll!

Tate was unsuccessful trying to revive her after her suicide attempt and has been trying to protect her from finding out this whole time while Violet thought she was protecting Tate from finding out he was dead. Nope. He’s known all along.


This episode may be my favorite since Piggy, Piggy. Evan Peters does such a great job making Tate sympathetic and a monster at the same time.

  • Do you think this is the last we’ll see of Larry? (I hope so! Because he sucks.)
  • Why did Larry want that $1000 from Ben anyway?
  • If Tate knows he’s dead, is he also pretending to not remember the murders?
  • Someone mentioned in the comments that next season will have a new family. (Couldn’t find the comment to give you credit, who said that?) Do you think killing this family will keep them in next season?

Past recaps: Pilot, Episode 2, Episode 3, Episode 4, Episode 5, Episode 6, Episode 7, Episode 8, Episode 9


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American Horror Story in Two Minutes (Episode: Spooky Little Girl)

It’s time to recap Season 1, Episode 9.

This time we start back in 1947. A dentist is living in the murder house (I assume he’s living there) and he’s seeing a new patient, Elizabeth Short a.k.a The Black Dahlia (played by Mena Survari). Mena will do anything to pay for her dental work, and I mean anything. Oh, except use money because she has none.

The dentist ignores that she has no money and gives her anesthesia anyway. Then the dentist has sex with her while she’s out cold. He tries to wake her up afterwards, but she doesn’t. Whoopsie! Better dispose of the body. Good thing the abortionist shows up and is so good with a knife. He helps the dentist out by carving up the body in easy-to-carry pieces, draining the blood, and throwing it in the grass somewhere.

Back to present time.

Everyone wants to get in on Ben’s hot manly action. First, the maid wants in.

Then his new patient wants in. Oh look, it’s dead Mena Survari and she still doesn’t have any money. Probably similar to her real life because most of her movies suck.

Then Hayden wants in.

Then the maid and Mena Survari want in together.

And then the maid wants in again.

I’m sure Ben is glad those ab exercises are paying off with all this potential action. After a few daydreams of tagging all those ladies, Ben is all, “HELL NO you saucy temptress, I love my wife and you can GTFO.” So she does. And BOOM…Ben can see the old maid finally.

At one point, Hayden’s sister and a police man show up at the house thinking Ben had something to do with her disappearance. Hayden appears, says she’s fine, and that Ben and her are happy together. So the sister and police man leave.

WHY DOESN’T BEN THINK THIS IS WEIRD?! For the love! You buried Hayden in the back yard!

Hayden also seduces Constance’s useless-to-the-storyline-until-now young boyfriend because she wants to know if she can have sex with someone living. The answer is yes, yes she can.

The fling doesn’t last long because Hayden ends up killing him in a rage, the abortionist cuts him up and drains his blood for her, and Larry the burned-faced guy disposes of the body because he owes Hayden a favor. Now we get another ghost in the house. Because that’s what we need.

Meanwhile, Vivien is in the mental hospital and finds out her twins have two different fathers. (Is that even possible to know in the womb?) The maid overhears Ben getting the news on the phone and tells Constance. Constance puts the smack down on Tate for doing the humpty dance with Vivien. Then Tate begs Constance not to tell Violet.

Vivien maintains that she was raped by someone in a leather suit and no one believes her except Constance. Ben’s cheating ass got all high and mighty and went to the hospital to give Vivien a piece of his mind.

Hayden tells Ben that Vivien is having an affair with the hot security guard. So Ben sets off the house alarm so he’ll show up. When hot security guard arrives, Ben accuses him of the affair. HSG denies it – sort of because he doesn’t really say it’s not true – and Ben believes him.

Finally, Constance meets up with the medium again. Constance asks her if it’s possible for a spirit and a human to have a child together. The medium told a long story about a piece of paper inside the Pope’s Box which basically says that a spirit and a human conceiving signifies the devil himself and the end of the world.

  • So this was my least favorite episode so far. It’s starting to bother me that Ben doesn’t find it weird that Hayden keeps showing up in the house or that she’s alive.
  • How many more things do you think Mena Survari can star in with the word American in it before we poke our eyes out?
  • Did you find my American Beauty reference? 🙂
  • Is Tate the devil or is the devil working through him?

Past recaps: Pilot, Episode 2, Episode 3, Episode 4, Episode 5, Episode 6, Episode 7, Episode 8


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American Horror Story in Two Minutes (Episode: Rubber Man)

Time to recap Season 1, Episode 8.

Another good episode this week. Let’s start with the flashbacks, because there were a bunch. We start out out 6 months ago when Ben and Violet were first moving into the murder house. Nora, the abortionist’s wife, is walking around moaning and crying that she doesn’t like the style of their furniture.

Then we flashback to the first episode when Vivien has sex with the rubber man. Ben sleep walks right by him and then the rubber man takes off his mask. No big surprise. It’s Tate.

Then we flashback to the previous owners, the gay couple Chad and Patrick. Chad snoops around on Patrick’s computer and gets upset and disgusted when he finds that Patrick has been in S&M chat rooms. So naturally, Chad goes to a sex store to find a little somethin’-somethin’ that will please Patrick.

During another flashback, we see Tate as the rubber man killing Chad and Patrick. They apparently survived death by apple bobbing and were dragged to the basement where Tate shot them, making it look like a murder-suicide. And in this week’s unnecessary scene, Tate pulled down Patrick’s pants and gave him an actual fireplace poker to the ass.

Nora finds Chad and Patrick dead. Tate tells her that they were no longer going to have a baby and he would find someone else that will.

Meanwhile, in present time, Hayden approaches Nora who’s crying (again) about her baby. Hayden tells Nora she’s dead and because of the clothes she’s wearing, it happened a long time ago. She also tells her that since they’re ghosts, they can become invisible whenever they want. Finally, they conspire to each take one of Vivien’s twins because both of their babies were taken from them.

Later, the maid warns Vivien that the house is evil and suggests that she get out as soon as possible. After everything that’s been happening and then seeing the picture of the abortionist’s wife, she doesn’t take the suggestion lightly.

So Vivien and Violet pack up their things immediately. Once they get in the car, they find two of the people that held them hostage waiting for them in the back seat. Vivien and Violet both freak out, run back into the house, and call the police and the hot security guy, who gets all up in Ben’s face about him being a shitty husband.

Ben gives Vivien some sleeping pills because she’s so distraught. So, while the police are at the house, Vivien is upstairs sleeping. Hayden wakes her up and tells her that she’s dead and she going to take her twins. Then Tate shows up as the rubber man and tries to rape Vivien.

As Vivien is screaming, Ben and the police burst into the bedroom to find nothing there except a crazy Vivien babbling about Hayden being a ghost, wanting to take her babies, and rubber men trying to rape her.

Vivien thought Ben was an intruder and accidentally shot him (with a gun she stole from the realtor earlier in the day) when he burst into the bedroom. Now, Ben thinks Vivien is a danger to herself and needs professional help even though he’s seen Hayden alive after burying her under pounds of cement in the backyard. Makes sense.

Vivien asks Violet to tell the police what she saw in the back seat of the car, but she doesn’t because Tate told her to keep it to herself…right after they sealed the deal. And by deal, I mean sweet ghost lovin’.

Finally, Vivien gets taken away by the police to be “analyzed.”

  • Why do you think the maid tried to help Vivien?
  • Is Nora is the key to the house being haunted?
  • Do you think Violet is dead now? (Since the suicide attempt, Ben mentioned she hasn’t been to school for 2 weeks, she couldn’t leave the house in this episode, and Tate and her were finally able to have sex.)

P.S. Next week’s recap might be a little (or a lot) late since I’m heading to Vegas on Friday. 🙂

Past recaps: Pilot, Episode 2, Episode 3, Episode 4, Episode 5, Episode 6, Episode 7


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American Horror Story in Two Minutes (Episode: Open House)

Time to recap Season 1, Episode 7.

We start back in 1994 again when the burned face guy (Larry, before his face was burned) owned the murder house. This time he’s talking with Constance about taking care of something “like they talked about.” Larry is all, heck yeah I’ll do that thing for you cuz you’re hot and we’re lovahhhs.

Next thing you know, Larry is smothering Beau with a pillow. Beau is another one of Constance’s sons. He lives chained in the attic and looks like Rocky Dennis from Mask.

We also figure out he’s the person Addie was playing ball with when she snuck in the house during Home Invasion.

Back in present time.

Vivien finds out she’s having twins! (Yay?) And they’re both perfectly healthy and normal. (Wha?)

Then it’s open house time for the murder house, so Marcy the realtor is back. And, we have a potential buyer! This guy likes the low price and is ready to buy the house and build a pool in the backyard, which the maid is very interested in. After all, if they find her bones, Constance goes to jail and the maid will be set free from the house. Since the potential buyer sees the young maid, she gives him a welcome to the neighborhood BJ just so he won’t change his mind.

Then we see the old maid leaving the room and wiping her mouth.

Larry also wants the house and pretends he’s a prospective buyer even though he has no money. The house is the only way he’ll see his dead wife again. Which incidentally, we find out that Larry did not kill his family after all. He was going to leave his wife for Constance and his wife was so distraught that she set herself and their kids on fire.

Vivien wants to make sure that she discloses all the information about the house to the new buyer. (She even goes back on the trolley tour of L.A. murder sites with the real estate agent to learn the rest of the house’s story.) Ben thinks that disclosing everything is a terrible idea and tells her not to screw up the sale.

Looks like Constance is going to do that for her, because she found out the potential buyer was lying – he wants to bulldoze the house and put up condos. Constance fears she’ll never see her children again, so she seeks the help of the maid (who will never be found if condos go up) and Larry.

The maid lures the buyer to the basement for one of her famous BJs. (See? They’re famous now. Like chili. Seriously, try to find a restaurant that doesn’t call their chili “famous.”)  Only this time, it wasn’t so good if you know what I mean.

While the buyer was screaming in pain at the loss of his favorite appendage, Larry suffocates him with a plastic bag but makes sure he doesn’t die on property. Because who wants that ghost hanging around? Not them!

In a side story, Violet is back to cutting herself. Tate caught her in the act and made her promise not to do it again. He was unusually happy and non-broody in this episode. He even had a good therapy session with Ben where he told be he was feeling better. Too bad he still doesn’t know he’s a ghost. He’s been able to leave that house once a year for the past 17 years, you’d think he would have caught on by now.

Tate also shows Violet some of the house’s hidden secrets – old photos of the previous owners, the abortionist doctor and his wife.

Then we get another flashback to the first owners. The abortionist’s wife (Nora) is grieving because of her son’s death. The doctor tells her their son is alive again and waiting upstairs for her. Nora goes upstairs to see him – only to see the sewn together abomination that the doctor put together. He looks hungry, so she tries to breast feed him. Because that would be my first thought. Breast feeding.

That didn’t go well considering her chest was all scratched and bloody afterwards. I guess Nora realized it didn’t go so well either, because she killed her husband and then killed herself.

At the end, Violet shows Vivien the photos she and Tate found. When Vivien sees the abortionist’s wife, she realizes it’s the same woman she showed the house to a few weeks before.

You think those pictures will finally clue Vivien in?

Do you think Larry is as useless of a character as I do?

Past recaps: Pilot, Episode 2, Episode 3, Episode 4, Episode 5, Episode 6


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American Horror Story in Two Minutes (Episode: Piggy, Piggy)

Time to recap Season 1, Episode 6.

The episode starts out with a flashback (shocker!) to 1994 when Constance lived in the murder house. While Constance is at the house, Tate is at high school on a Columbine-style shooting spree. Tate silently kills a bunch of students, including the ghosts that haunted him on Halloween – who incidentally, weren’t the brightest at defending themselves in the face of certain death.

(Tate used a shotgun and all the students didn’t have shotgun wounds on Halloween. Plot hole?)

The police arrive at the house looking for Tate. They force their way inside without Constance’s approval and find Tate in his bedroom. All the cops aim rifles at him, Tate mimes shooting himself in the head, then reaches for his real gun, and the police unload shots into his chest.

As Tate is bleeding on the floor, one of the cops asks him why he did it. Probably should have thought of asking that one before the 16 rifle shots to the chest buddy, because he’s dead.

Back to present time.

Violet is on her computer looking up information about Tate. She finds out about the high school shooting, that Tate was responsible, and that he’s dead. She freaks out, runs downstairs to find her mother, but only finds Constance waiting in the kitchen. Constance knows Violet just found out about Tate, and when Violet tries to rationalize that she’s dating a dead dude, Constance tells her that she’s a smart enough girl to understand that we don’t live in just one reality. She also tells Violet that Tate is unaware that he’s dead and she was hoping his treatments with Ben would somehow make him realize the truth on his own. And lastly, it was the house that made Tate go over the edge.

Constance and Violet go back to Constance’s house where there’s a woman waiting (Sarah Paulson – love her).

She’s a medium and can talk to the dead. Basically Constance tells Violet that she needs to accept what’s happening or she’ll go crazy too. Then the medium whips out some name of some dead person who tells Violet she doesn’t understand her. Violet freaks out and runs out of the house.

Violet finds her (now) friend that Tate freaked out in the first episode. They have going crazy in common. Her friend mentions that she’s taking sleeping pills that barely allow her to sleep 4 hours a night. Violet can’t sleep either, so she wants to get in on that pill-poppin’ action.

Vivien wakes up in the morning, hears something scary, and presses her Hot Policman panic button. Hot Policeman shows up to inspect the house. You never can be too careful. Ben shows up during this time to meet a patient and Hot Policeman tells them that Hayden slipped out of the car somehow before he got her downtown. No one seems particularly shocked by this and Hot Policeman doesn’t seem to think he sucks at being a Policeman because he’s still got the Hot thing going on.

Ben and Vivien are still not getting along. She still wants a divorce and to sell the house but she’s allowing him to see patient’s there because he can’t afford another option. This time, Ben’s patient is Cam from Modern Family!

Cam is freaked out by urban legends Bloody Mary style, except he says “Here piggy piggy pig” three times in the mirror instead which seems way more terrifying. Anyway, during a session Ben makes Cam go into the bathroom and say his piggy line three times in the mirror and he ends up seeing the dead nurse in the bathtub. Not a pig, but still scary I suppose. Ben bursts in the bathroom when Cam starts freaking out, but the nurse is gone.

Later on, Cam tries to face his fear at home when some dude pops out behind his shower curtain and shoots him. Not a ghost, though. He was being robbed and the overly-sensitive robber thought Cam was calling him a pig. Too bad we’ll never know if a pig shows up, cuz now Cam’s dead.

Vivien is getting sick anytime she leaves the house, so Constance gives her some raw meat that’s “good for the baby.” Like bloody pancreas and brains. Guess the freak-baby craves raw meat because she ate it all like a fat kid eats cake.

Vivien feels well enough to leave the house and finally finds the nurse that passed out when she saw her ultrasound. The nurse freaks out about her baby, calls her some names, and mentions seeing “little hooves.” Vivien thinks that’s crazy talk and leaves.

Constance contacts Addie through the medium and tells her how much she loves her and that she’s sorry for all the times she didn’t show it. Addie told her that she knows she loves her and that she’s happy where she’s at because she’s finally a pretty girl. Also, she’s glad Constance didn’t get her to the lawn because she doesn’t want to be with Tate. He scares her now that her newly dead self knows the truth.

Back at home, Violet isn’t doing so well. She saw a bunch of the other dead ghosts in the basement while looking for Tate, her boyfiend is, like, totally dead and she’s just not dealing well. So she takes all of the pills.

Tate finds her unconscious, drags her to the bathroom for a cold shower, and sticks his fingers down her throat.

She throws up all those pills and realizes her dead boyfriend just saved her. A little more freaking out and crying ensues.

Back in the bedroom, Tate tells Violet that she seems distant lately, he doesn’t know what he did wrong, and promises to leave her alone if that’s what she wants. Then, he professes his love for her while crying and promises he will never let anything hurt her. And let’s face it, girls are suckers for that crap. Even if you’re dead and a murderer. So, Violet spoons him and gets in some ghost snuggles.

I’m pretty sure the crying scene just put Tate in competition with Topher Grace in the Tall-Lanky-Guys-I-Lust-For Club. He’s 11 years younger than me too, which probably makes me a perv. Or a cougar. But it also makes him legal. haha. Why am I still talking?

What did you all think?  With the exception of the stupid patient story, this was my favorite episode of the season. I think it’s interesting they can romanticize a character that shot up a school. Kind of controversial in this day and age.

Past recaps: Pilot, Episode 2, Episode 3, Episode 4, Episode 5


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American Horror Story in Two Minutes (Episode: Halloween Part 2)

It’s time to recap Season 1, Episode 5 of American Horror Story.

(And this post is brought to you thanks to Michelle because I’m using her computer. So go tell her thanks!)

Finally, we have an episode that doesn’t start with a flashback! This one starts at the end of last week’s episode where we find out what happened to Violet. (Remember, Ben and Vivien got home from the hospital and she was gone?) Well, the guy with the burned face stops banging on the door all of a sudden and the leather suit guy is standing behind Violet.  

Violet feels someone behind her, looks over her shoulder, and no one is there. Scared, she runs upstairs to her room and locks the door. While she’s standing by her dresser, a hand reaches out from under the dresser to grab her ankle. Good thing she hears Tate at the window and moves just in time. Creepy hand grabing her ankle averted!

Violet sees Tate standing on the lawn. He’s ready to take her on her date and tells her the banging on the door was just some Trick or Treaters who are gone now. They go to the beach for their date where they heavily inspect each other’s tonsils. Then, Violet wants to inspect Tate’s nether regions but he makes an excuse that he can’t have sex because of the pills he’s taking.

While at the beach, five bloody high school kids show up and start harassing Tate. They’re ghosts but Violet just thinks they’re dressed up for Halloween. Tate grabs Violet and walks away before they can start trouble.

Tate and Violet come back to the house to find the five high school students followed them. Violet goes outside to talk to them and the kids realize she doesn’t know “what happened at the high school.”

Tate walks outside and takes off running so the high school kids would follow him. When the kids caught up, they ask Tate over and over why he killed them and he doesn’t know what they’re talking about. (You think he’s faking or he really doesn’t remember?)

Violet calls the police to get help for Tate when Constance shows up. She tells Violet that Addie is dead and it’s her fault because she encouraged her to be a pretty girl for Halloween. Violet goes back to Constance’s house where Constance tells Violet that she can’t tell her son that Addie is dead because he won’t react well. Constance shows Violet a picture of her kids – it’s Addie and Tate. Tate is Constance’s son!

(I’m sure that’s not a surprise since a bunch of you guessed that in the comments.)

Back at the house, Hayden disappears from the front door, Vivien decides to take a bath, and the burned face guy shows up again asking for his $1000 bucks. Ben beats the shit out of the burned face guy and hits him in the face with a shovel.

Ben tells him he won’t be blackmailed and threatens to kill him if he comes around again. Burned face guy tells Ben he wants to be killed so he can come back and haunt him too. Pretty sure Ben didn’t catch on to that because he doesn’t seem to know that Hayden is a ghost even though he just buried her and built a gazebo on top of her.

Hayden calls Vivien and tells her she needs to know the truth about Ben’s visit to Boston and tells her that she needs to ask him about it. Then she ruined the newly cleaned bathroom mirror.

Vivien freaks out that Hayden is in the house, so Ben goes to look for her. He finds her in the basement and she begs him to get back together with her. He says no…and who wouldn’t? Rinse that mouth out, girl.

That’s when the burned face guy hits Ben with a shovel.

While Ben is unconscious, Hayden confronts Vivien. She’s pissed when she finds out that Vivien is pregnant too and threatens to cut the baby out of her with a shard of glass.

In the meantime, the ghost wife of the abortionist that used to live in the house unties Ben in the basement and tells him to save the baby.

When Ben finally makes it to Hayden and Vivien, Ben is forced to tell Vivien that Hayden is pregnant and it hasn’t been a year since he’s seen her. He went back to her after Vivien caught them together. (Am I the only one that missed that it’s been a year since Vivien caught them?)

Just when the shit is about to hit the fan, a hot police man shows up because Vivien tripped the silent alarm. He arrests Hayden to take her downtown but first he makes sure to get in a little hot-police-officer-flirting with Vivien.

After Hayden and the police officer leave, Vivien tells Ben to pack his bags.

Meanwhile, all the ghosts are drawn back to the house, including Hayden, because Halloween is over.

Finally, Ben leaves the house with his bags packed.

P.S. I just heard AHS was renewed for Season 2 already. 🙂

Past recaps: Pilot, Episode 2, Episode 3, Episode 4


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American Horror Story in Two Minutes (Episode: Halloween Part 1)

It’s recap time for Season 1, Episode 4. (Remember, this post contains spoilers. )

This episode started with yet another flashback. This time we’re in 2010 with the last owners of the house, the “murder-suicide” couple Chad (Zachary Quinto – who just came out. How timely for this role, dontcha think?) and his boyfriend Patrick, who looks eerily Alexander Skarsgard.

Chad is carving pumpkins to get ready for a Halloween party at the house. Somewhere between carving pumpkins and getting pissed that Patrick bought the wrong apples for apple bobbing, Chad accuses Patrick of cheating. Patrick confirms the affair, then a big fight breaks out where Patrick complains that the relationship isn’t the same anymore, that they never had kids like they planned, and that he doesn’t want anything to do with the Halloween party. So Patrick leaves.

A few minutes later, the guy in the leather suit appears. Chad thinks it’s Patrick dressing up for him.

No, Chad. He’s there to kill you.

So leather suit guy drowns Chad in his apple-bobbing barrel. Patrick walks back in, sees Chad dead, and also gets death-by-apple-bobbing.

Back in present time.

Ben calls Tate to the house to talk to him about why he didn’t show up to the appointment with his new therapist. Tate doesn’t want a new therapist and cries like a little baby and begs Ben to see him again because only Ben can help him. Ben reluctantly agrees but refuses to see Tate at the house and sets up a public meeting elsewhere. When they finally meet, Ben tells Tate he was a troubled child too and gets all emotional. Tate promises Ben, “no more weird stuff.”

Later, the maid asks for Halloween off to visit her mother. While in the hospital, the maid disconnects her mother’s life support. When her mom dies, her ghost appears and asks the maid to join her. The maid says she wants to, but can’t.

Meanwhile, Vivien meets with the real estate agent who suggests she needs a “fluffer” to help sell the house and improve its “image” problem. (No. Not THAT kind of fluffer.) A fluffer is someone who comes in, decorates, and makes the house more appealing to potential buyers. The real estate agent recommends a young, gay man. Later on, Chad and Patrick show up at the house ready to decorate!

(Guess that means the real estate agent is a ghost?) On a random side note, the house was egged by the two twins that were killed in the house in the first episode. Don’t ask me, I just do the recaps.

Tate visits Violet at the house without Ben’s knowledge. When Violet goes to the basement to see him, he’s waiting for her in the leather suit. (Hmm…maybe Tate is Vivien’s baby-daddy? If so, I’m equally grossed out and turned on.) Tate tells Violet all about the doctor that performed abortions in the basement. He also told her that a boyfriend of one of the girls was so pissed that the doctor aborted his baby that he broke into the house, stole the doctor’s child, cut it into pieces, and mailed it back to him. The doctor took it upon himself to sew his child back together. Now the child is still in the basement.

Violet doesn’t believe Tate’s story and wants to know why they only meet in the basement. She asks to go on a real date. Tate agrees and sets it for Halloween – the only night that spirit’s can walk free.

Meanwhile, Constance’s daughter (Addie) wants to dress up like a pretty girl for Halloween. Constance assures her she is fug and can dress up like Snoopy just like the previous year.

Later on, Constance feels bad and buys a full “pretty girl” mask for Addie to wear for Halloween.

Back to the fluffing. It’s Halloween party time! But Chad and Patrick do not like Ben and Vivien’s costumes. An argument ensues and things get a little nasty. Chad tells Vivien that the house is not theirs and everyone knows it…including the house.

Vivien kicks them both out but they won’t leave…until they see the leather suit man hanging out in the shadows. Then she tells Ben she wants him to leave too because she saw all the calls he was getting from Hayden on the cell phone bill. Before Ben could leave, Vivien started having severe stomach pains, so Ben took her to the hospital. While they were at the hospital, they found out the baby was much bigger than 8 weeks. What the nurse saw on the ultrasound was so shocking that she fainted.

While Addie was out trick or treating, she gets hit by a car. Constance gets to her once the EMT guys arrive. She gets hysterical crying and insists on getting Addie to the yard of the murder house before she dies.

Once Constance drags Addie to the lawn, she realizes she’s dead.

While Vivien and Ben are at the hospital, the guy with the burned face shows up at the house, bangs on the door, and wants his $1000 for helping bury Hayden.

Violet is home alone and scared so she calls her dad and tells him what’s going on. He tells her not to call the police and that he’s coming home. While Violet waits, we see the guy in the leather suit behind her.

Once Ben and Vivien get home, the house alarm is going off and Violet is gone.

Finally, there’s a knock at the door. It’s Hayden and she’s all undead and junk.

Past recaps: Pilot, Episode 2, Episode 3


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American Horror Story in Two Minutes (Episode: Murder House)

It’s time to recap Season 1, Episode 3. Here we go:

The episode started out with a flashback to 1983. The (young) maid was making the bed and a man walked in. The man’s all, “lookin’ good hot stuff” and the maid is all “let me just do my job” and the man’s all “that’s not what you said last week” and the maid’s all “that was a mistake” and the man’s all “but I wanna do the horizontal mambo now” and the maid is all “leave me alone.” So the man tries to rape her.

Constance walks in during the attempted rape, tells the man he’s broken her heart for the last time, and then shoots the maid in the eye (now we know why the old maid has a white eye) and kills the man.

Back to present time.

Vivien wants to move out of the house as soon as possible, but Ben informs her that they’ve lost a lot of money through their broker and they can’t afford a new house until they sell the current one. They decide they do have enough money to get a small studio apartment in the meantime, but Violet (the daughter) doesn’t want to move and threatens to run away if they do. Vivien puts the house up for sale anyway.

While the realtor was putting up a for sale sign, Constance walks by the house and sees Tate in the window and waves. When the realtor looks up, she doesn’t see him. (Confirmation that Tate is a ghost, maybe?)

Ben treats a new patient in the house. (Why, it’s Tara’s mom from True Blood!)

Ben tries to pay attention to his patient but she’s super boring and also super depressed at how super boring she is. It doesn’t help that the maid spiked the coffee he was drinking either, so he falls asleep during the session. When he wakes up, he’s in the yard with a shovel next to him and his patient is gone.

Ben goes back inside the house and the young maid tries to lure Ben with her feminine maid-like wiles.

But Ben knows he’s been drugged. He also notices the tape recorder he uses for his sessions is gone. So, he gets pissed, blames the maid, and tries to fire her. But the maid says that Ben was the one that made a pass at her and if she loses her job, she’ll press charges.

While Vivien was working in the garden, a trolley tour of L.A. murder sites stops in front of the house. She decides to take the tour herself to hear what they are saying about the house.

She learns that an unsuccessful doctor performed abortions to make ends meet in the house with the help of his wife in the 1920s. (Enough prepositional phrases for you? Also, can there BE any more murders in this house?) After the story, Vivien notices blood on her pants. She runs inside the house because she’s worried she’s having another miscarriage. Once she gets in the house, she stops bleeding. Hmmmm.

Later on, Ben finds Hayden, the woman he had an affair with, waiting in his home.

(That picture isn’t from the episode, it’s just so you know what she looks like.)

She didn’t get the abortion after all, and she’s moving out to California so Ben can support her. She’s a total nut job and threatens to tell Vivian about the baby. Ben gets her out of the house by making a date to meet and talk with her later.

In the meantime, Ben passes out again (say whaaa?) and when he wakes up, he’s outside snuggling with the shovel again. He also started digging a hole in the yard but he doesn’t remember doing it.

A detective visits Ben to tell him that his boring patient committed suicide and that she had taken his tape recorder. While the cop is over, he sees the young maid. Then, it’s mentioned that women can see a person’s soul and men only see what they want to see. (Now we know why Ben sees the young maid and everyone else sees the old maid.) Also, I hope this is true in real life because that means I can get fat and ugly and it won’t matter.

With all the police stuff going on at the house, Ben forgets his meeting with his other baby-mama. She gets pissed that he didn’t show and comes to the house again to tell Vivian about the baby. That’s when Larry,  the creepy dude with the burned face that warned Ben about the house in the first episode, shows up out of nowhere and hits her in the face with a shovel. Then Larry helps Ben dispose of the body.

(Didn’t make that up, he really asked for $1000 to start his acting career. WTF?)

Good thing Ben’s been passing out and digging holes in the yard already. This works out perfectly for burying bodies!

While digging the hole, Ben and Larry find the remains of someone wearing a maid’s uniform. Seems totally normal to dig a hole and find a grave already there, that’s what I say.

So, Ben and Larry dump the body of the baby-mama in the hole on top of the other remains, cover it up with dirt, then cement, and build the fastest gazebo ever on top of it. Constance and the maid watch from the window and Constance mentions that the maid will never be able to leave now. (Confirmation that the maid is a ghost and bound to the house like Tate, maybe?)


Alright, so I didn’t LOVE this episode. But I did think it was cool that we’re already getting some answers to some of the stuff going on. What did you think?

Past recaps: Pilot, Episode 2


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