Welcome to My Blog Search Term Guy IV

If you’re new to my blog, every now and then I like to pick the most interesting search terms that have found my blog and welcome those searchers. I hope you found what you were looking for – especially whoever searched “I love to come home and eat alone.” Me too, buddy. Me too.

1.  How many miles does it take to walk off 3282 calories?

Wow. That is a pretty specific calorie count. But I like that you have goals and are willing to Google for them instead of say, standing up and walking somewhere. Unfortunately, all I can think about is how I want to be your friend, if you share food, and what you just ate.

2.  What+can+i+buy+so+my+thighs+don’t+rub+while+running

 

3.  Irritated graph

I can’t think of a post that would lead to this search term, so in an effort to not disappoint the next person:

4.  Poo porn

I googled this to see what could have possibly come up related to my blog. Let’s just say that wasn’t the best idea at work. On an almost unrelated note, I heard a radio commercial for “Bear Skin” condoms on the radio during a workout the other week. I thought that couldn’t possibly be comfortable until my personal trainer assured me it was spelled b-a-r-e.

5.  Worst photos ever taken

 That’s a little extreme, don’t you think?

I think you can stop acting like a bunny tramp.

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If you’ve missed any of the last search term posts, you can check them out here:
Post 1
Post 2
Post 3 

🙂

Welcome to My Blog Search Term Guy III

This is another post dedicated to those of you who have found my blog though the following search terms. You make logging into my blog every day an adventure. A really disturbing adventure. (Oh, and this post is also for my friend, Ali, because she asked me to do another one. Hi Ali!)

1.  Will expired mustard hurt you?
Only if you hurt its feelings first.

2.  I don’t feel like stepping out of home.
All I can say is that you’ve come to the right place.

3.  What kind of food does James Spader like to eat?
You pose an interesting question. Usually I like to do searches on which side Colin Farrell parts his hair but I did some research for you anyway. And from the looks of it lately, he eats…

I know someone who feels your pain, James.

4.  2
This one baffles me. Out of all the things that come up in this unspecific search and you thought my blog was the answer? Searching the number 2 found my…OH.

I get it now.

5.  Nike Shox porn
What does this even mean?

If you missed my other search term posts, you can check them out here:

• Post 1
• Post 2

Also, check out my guest post over at Michelle’s blog. It’s a treat, I tell ya. 🙂 Tell her hello in her blog comments too. She’s on a plane to Boston and needs something to read when she lands. 🙂

Welcome to My Blog Search Term Guy Part II

I thought I would dedicate another post to those of you who found my blog through the following search terms. Please know you make logging in every day a delight. And I mean that.

(If you missed the first post on search terms, check it out here. )

1.  Ass of the year

2.  How to make towels not smell.

My first thought was to wash them but apparently there are other options.

3.  I’m a personal trainer and my spouse is always jealous.

I’m thinking these things must have something to do with one another. So, my suggestion would be to corner the market on training ugly folks.

4.  I need my mother for everything.

I think you’re looking for my ex-boyfriend.

5.  William Baldwin 1992

Not a funny search, but I appreciate the specificity of it. I think a 1992 Baldwin is hard to come by.

6.  Celebrity look-a-likes in South Africa

This can only mean one thing. You think I look like Charlize Theron.

I know. You’re thinking, “which one is Paula?” Well, I’ll never tell.

Three Things Thursday

(last night’s) Workout:  Tempo run on the treadmill – 5 miles (48 min)

That is the longest run I’ve done in a month and I’m feelin’ pretty good about it. Even the chick who smelled like a Tijuana hooker* that got on the treadmill next to me and walked at an annoying 1.5 mph couldn’t bring me down.   

Mile 1: 10:00 pace
Miles 2-4: 9:13 pace
Mile 5: 10:00 pace

The 9:13 pace was all I could manage speed wise being out of practice and all. I was really ready for that 4^th mile to be over with so I could slow down, so it was a hard run.

I watched American Idol while running. I’m gonna have to say, I really like Steven Tyler and JLo on there. I see a lot of Twitter hate going on but I think they have good constructive criticism of the singers and are much better than Paula or Kara.  Plus, I am continuously mesmerized by JLo and her perfect skin.

Also, that girl Hayley has an amazing voice, but she seems really snobby. I know I’ve only seen 2 episodes this whole season, but if I get that from two episodes, it MUST be true. Right?

Now on to today’s three things. I’ve been seeing some new search terms lately that keep me amused. Here are some new search terms that have shown up on my blog that weren’t in my post dedicated to search terms.

Lame haircuts

Ok, my hair does look terrible today, I will admit. I didn’t wash it. I tried to straighten it and that made it worse. I mean…look at it.

But clicking on my picture when you are searching for “lame haircuts” is giving me a complex. At least I try to make it less unsightly by adding photo effects that little girls will think are real and can never live up to.

Foot up ass cake

I would complain about this one more, but I instantly felt better that a picture of SUAR came up in this search also. I’m not alone.

How to properly eat a chocolate Easter bunny

It’s a sad day when someone spends their time typing this instead of just opening that package and tearing that chocolate bunny a new one.

Honorable Mention: “:3c” face

The one search term that I have no idea how it’s related to my blog. The fact that “:3c” is in quotations for this search baffles me. Do I have this face? Is it a good thing? What does it even MEAN?

Do you watch American Idol? What do you think of Steven Tyler and JLo?

What do you think “:3c” face means? (Go ahead and make something up.)

*I have not smelled Tijuana hookers. Yet.

Welcome to My Blog Search Term Guy

I’m going to dedicate this post to those of you who found my blog through the following search terms. I mean this when I say it – I hope you found what you’re looking for.

1.  Unicorn poop cupcakes

I’m a big fan of cupcakes and I would expect no less than a mythical creature to poop them. I just didn’t know that everyone else knew about this like I did.

2.  Lap sit

I’m not sure how I feel about these. Someone out there is organizing lap sits and I hope they found inspiration in me. Somehow.

  

3a.  Just recently I have a lot of really small bumps on my face
3b.  Picking at my face
3c.  Getting boils all over

Not cool.

4.  Hilarious nutella
Yes, Nutella is quite hilarious. Did you find what you were looking for through this post? If so, here’s one that didn’t get posted from that “photo shoot.” Just for you. You’re welcome.

5.  Guess who looks like Gary Busy?

I’m thinking the answer was me.

Well, maybe a little in the eyes.

6.  Made to eat toe nails
I googled this for shits and giggles and a picture of my feet actually came up. Thank you for choosing my foot among the masses.

 

7.  What do you look like when your 6 weeks pregnant?

 

I…I have nothing.

 

8.  Penis stickers for toenails

A picture of my foot was the THIRD picture that came up for this in Google. I think I’m starting to get a complex.

What’s the weirdest search term you’ve gotten on your blog?