Omelets for Dummies

I haven’t posted a recipe in a long time and you’re all probably better for it. But I made something this morning and when that happens, I take pictures just in case it doesn’t happen again. And if we’re being honest, it usually doesn’t. Homegirl made herself an omelet! I always thought omelets were reserved only for those who know how to cook and iHOP. Not so. Even the biggest dummy can make one. Here’s how:

First, find yourself a dummy.

Then, crack two eggs and beat them like they stole your money.

Pour some salt in their wounds while you’re at it. (No really, add some salt.)

Next, get yourself a small pan, spray that thing with some cooking spray, and pour those eggs in there.

At this point, I hope you realize the stove should be on. Medium heat should work.

Wait until the bottom half of the eggs are cooked, kinda like at the point you’d flip a pancake. Then put some veggies and shredded cheese on there. Or put meat in there. I don’t know what you like in your omelets. I’m just trying to help you here.

Before you say chopping veggies is too hard and you couldn’t possibly make an omelet, note that I feel the same way.

Let the eggs cook the rest of the way through and then fold it in half.

Put that omelet on your finest china and enjoy.

I put salsa and hot sauce on top of mine. But you put whatever you want on yours. I’m not going to tell you what to do. You’re an adult and I think you should make your own decisions.

I Want to Meat You

I mentioned last week that I’ve been making an attempt to eat healthier, stop all the crazy snacking, and limit my beloved alcohol. Well, my hubs is on a healthy eating kick too, which generally means that he tries to cut back on carbs. Enter our friend Steve. Remember him from the MegaCon post? Well, he’s lost a bunch of weight on a Ketogenic diet, which is a low-carb diet with similarities to Paleo. So, the other day he made a “Meatza” from this recipe and brought it in to work for us to try.

It was good. Real good. And it took hubs exactly a day and a half until he asked me to make it for him.

Now, I’m not sure if you all remember, but I don’t cook. My skills are limited to things like pink slop and 3-ingredient oreo truffles. So of course I told him that if he went to the store and bought all the ingredients, I would make it  knowing full well that he’d never go to the store without me.

I was wrong. So here is my adapted Meatza recipe, because I’m a good wife that keeps her promises.

Ingredients:

• 2 lbs of ground beef (I used 1lb lean ground beef and 1lb lean ground turkey) 
• 2 eggs
• Pizza/spaghetti sauce of your choice
• Mozzarella cheese (I used half fat free/half 2% since fat free melts a little funky)
• Goat cheese (I used 1/2 container of Chavrie Basil and Roasted Garlic goat cheese. You don’t need this, but trust me. You want it.)
• Pizza toppings of your choice (I used green peppers, onions, mushrooms, and turkey pepperoni.)

Spices:

• 1/2 cup grated Parmesan cheese
• 3 tsp salt  (This was WAY too much. Next time, I’m using 1 tsp)
• 1 tsp caraway seeds
• 1 tsp oregano
• 1 tsp garlic salt
• 1 tsp coarse ground pepper
• 1 tsp red pepper flakes (optional) I used this.

1. Mix the uncooked meat and the 2 eggs together with your hands. I like to call this picture, “things you’ll only do for your husband…for a price.”

I did not enjoy that. And I needed mittens afterwards. The meat and eggs were cold!

2. Mix in all the spices with your meat. Also, don’t wear sleeves. Bad idea.

3. Press the meat evenly into a rectangular pan and cook for 10 minutes on 450°.

4. Saute your veggies while you wait. You might want to chop them up first. Guess I didn’t mention that part. Or just put them on whole, what do I care?

5.  Blot the fat and other nasties off the meat until it’s dry. (I used paper towels and because I was using lean meat, I didn’t have much to blot.)

6. Add ‘dem toppin’s like your Papa John.

7. Put that thing back in the oven for a couple minutes until the cheese is melted all delicious-like.

8. Take it out of the oven and immediately serve it to the first man you see. He will love you forever.

The “Meatza” turned out better than I thought it would but it is super salty. I’ll use less salt next time for sure. Also, you only need to eat a small piece to feel pretty dang satisfied and I am a bottomless pit when it comes to food.

So there you have it. I cooked something that had more than 4 ingredients. I’m kinda impressed with myself even though I’m pretty sure a monkey could have made this. But like, one of those really smart, talking Planet of the Apes monkeys.

Tofu Stuffed Peppers

I actually went into my kitchen today. Turns out kitchens are actually functional rooms in which you can make things called “meals” with appliances called “ovens.” To think I’ve been living with one of these rooms in my house all my life and I’m just figuring this out.

Fun fact about my mom: She used to turn the oven on and keep the door open to keep herself warm while she was eating breakfast.

I had already planned on baking something later today, so I figured while the oven was already on, I should just make everything I had in the kitchen that required an oven. Which was exactly 2 things.

First up, hub’s self-proclaimed “second favorite food” ever. Pigs in a blanket bites.

I gotta start simple, folks. Plus, these things keep the hubs from asking me what there is to eat every 2 hours for at least a day and a half.

Next up is a variation on this little lady’s recipe. I made Tofu Stuffed Peppers. Every now and then I like to surprise myself and not go through a drive through or use the microwave. It makes me feel all accomplished and then you get a random a food post out of nowhere because I’m all proud and junk.

The recipe called for lentils, which hubs hates, so I decided to change it up a bit.

In da peppers:

• Extra firm tofu
• Diced onions
• Mushrooms
• Salt/pepper
• Basil
• Garlic
• Taco seasoning (for a little kick)

I halved the peppers and baked them for 20 minutes at 325 degrees (instead of 400 degrees).

While the peppers were baking, I sautéed the onions and mushrooms with the seasoning. I added the tofu once the onions and mushrooms were done. I have no idea how long I sautéed the mixture after that. So, let’s go with “until it’s really brown.”

Once the peppers were done, I stuffed them with the tofu filling.

I added some tomato sauce and cheese on top and then baked for another 20 minutes.

They came out really good. Even hubs like them, but suggested I add ricotta cheese to the mixture next time instead of the shredded cheese on top. Which of course makes sense because then the mixture sticks together and doesn’t come pouring out of the pepper once you cut into it.

This is why I’m not a cook. Because I can’t think of these things on my own.

Butternut Squash Fries

Yesterday ended up being a full rest day. No workouts for me. Then I thought about getting up and running this morning, but didn’t. Maybe I’ll do a short run tonight. Or maybe I won’t. I’m not sure if I’m feeling it. I’m definitely feeling indecisive though. 🙂

Instead of a regular workout last night, I worked my arm muscles cutting a butternut squash. I’ve seen the Butternut Squash Fries recipe on Hungry Girl for years now and have had all intentions to make them, but it just never happened. I even got a Butternut Squash for a birthday present a few years ago (I’m serious about that. And easy to please), but never made the fries.

You’re all probably reading this thinking, “I’ve been making those for 4 years now” but it’s new to me. It’s also one of my goals. So, for the two of you that have never done this before, I give you:

1.  Make sure you have a large, sharp knife. (I’m pretty sure mine is from 1976, so cutting up the squash was a real b!tch.)

2.  Cut off the ends of the squash.

3.  Slice the squash in half vertically (and hopefully more centered than I did) and scoop out all seeds and pulp.

4.  Cut up the squash into smaller pieces. (It’s probably best to lay the squash face down, slice it vertically again, and then in half. What I did was a big mess.)

5. Cut off the skin of the squash and then cut squash into fry shape.

5a. Realize you need to take your nailpolish off because you look like a hooker.

6. Don’t lose one of those.

7.  Place fries on a baking sheet sprayed with non-stick spray.

8. Add salt. (I used sea salt, but I’m sure any type will work. Hungry Girl suggests Kosher salt.)

9. Bake in the oven at 425 degrees for 20 minutes. Then flip the fries and bake for another 20 minutes.

10. Eat with ketchup!

I really thought I screwed up on the burned ones, but honestly, I liked the burned ones the best. Even the hubs loved them and thought they tasted a lot like potato french fries. If these are so good, why aren’t they everywhere as healthier options instead of fries? I don’t get it. I also don’t get what took me so long to make them, but I am SO hooked now.

Do you love Butternut Squash Fries?

What’s your favorite healthy recipe that has 4 ingredients or less?